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Every few months I send out free music, tour updates, video releases, and essays that I write about light and heavy themes -- topics include: addiction, depression, puppies, the power of being nice, domination, etc, with music at the core.


Scroll down to take a look at my latest words. all love

My bad, it’s been a few months. I was away attempting to follow my intuition abroad and locally, trying to quiet down the thinking mind. I’m here though, more than ever trying my best to concentrate on what is in front of me. It is hard. But that’s good.  Little Strike stuff:

1. SHOWS (Philly)
04.08  Sat — @Studio 34 (4522 Baltimore Ave)   Yoga & Music    6pm-7:15pm   $20
05.03 Wed  — @ The Barbary   ~with Smiles With Teeth, Lapses, Camp Candle

This Saturday, April 8th, I’ll be testing out a lucid dream of mine: combining yoga with music. My friend and general bamf Amanda DeLeo will be teaching the class and I’m going to be gently musicing to the movements. Y’all, yoga changed my life and continues to daily. It has forced me to deal with my erratic behavior towards my body and noisy mind. Do not get it twisted, it wasn’t ever easy or intuitive for me; in fact I found it intimidating and just plain hard. It forced me to think about my breath and body and nothing else.! it is completely counter intuitive to our over-sensory world. It is awesome. I hope you can make it, we would love feedback on how to make it the best environment for YOU, for future reference. Come move your body and your soul.

** West –> east coast tour in July. details ahead.

2. Working on an EP for this summer. And collaborating with my talented community. New things: live trumpet, drums, bass. New visuals. Trap music. Reducing fear of intimacy to null. Get nulled with me.

As always, an essay into my brain will follow below, hope it uplifts. I am way too busy and i don’t like it so I wrote a thing. Let me know if you have thoughts. All love.


The Performer: Part 8
On Sacrifice 

Have you ever had this thought: I would sacrifice the health of my body for my goals.
Side note: feel free to replace “goals” with passion, art, individualism, financial security, school, etc.

So the other week someone at yoga for recovery said that sacrificing their body for art was acceptable to them at one point. I perked up, eyes dilated, I breathed in.* This is a thought I’ve had many times over the years: vividly in art school, a place that intuitively breeds sleepless nights in your studio while simultaneously daring to ~objectively~ grade you on your arting (??). And dare it does. But that’s just good ol’ school. School practically normalizes stress and anxiety. You’re supposed to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, it’s a dorm ! My dorm had mold everywhere. Mold will suppress your immune system and much of the population is terribly allergic.

Mold aside — though I can talk mold with the best of them — I’ve been thinking about my body’s well being a lot lately, especially as it relates to goals. And art. Sacrificing one night to finish an assignment is acceptable, but what about long term sleep deprivation? Skipping breakfast every day, nervously smoking cigs in between business meetings, overeating late at night, endlessly scrolling social media, refined sugar blah blah. What about staying up really late and working on my new spiritual trap song because I have no other time for my art other than super late at night because I’m over worked and underpaid? And how come no one really talks about back pain on instagram. The reality of sacrifice is far more nuanced.

Self sacrifice is certainly a romantic idea, but much like a bathtub full of champagne, the reality can be a bit acidic. Who is this personal sacrifice serving anyway? This important work that I hope to generate, this money that I hope to make, these goals, are the motivations behind them personal or do they serve us all? Jig’s up, it is time to own up to my true motives: simply looking at my actions isn’t enough anymore. Hey tamar do you sing to share a part of your soul or are you looking for external approval from strangers?

Pro tip in checking motives: I like pretending that people can read my mind while I’m in conversation with them. It helps me keep track of negative thoughts and makes me behave more honestly. It’s also terrifying. Try it out today if you get a chance and watch your ego get checked. Dig in.

In my research for motives I discovered a loop: self sacrifice that serves my ego leads me to having less time for self care (exercise, yoga, meditation, relaxation, sleep, eating patterns), which leads me to having less energy in general, which then turns into more destructive thoughts and behaviors, having less impulse control and more unsavory immediate gratification (bad diet, irritability, desire to isolate, oversleeping, lust, drinking, numbing activities, general avoidance), landing me in self-centered-ville. It’s a classic energy loop, which eventually leads to guilt. And guilt is like soul plaque — it will build, it will suffocate.

Stuff that just serves our individualism just isn’t sustainable. Adam Curtis said  “The problem with individualism is that, whilst it is liberating and exciting and beautiful, when things get difficult you are very weak. If you go into the woods at night, by yourself, it’s frightening, isn’t it? You get scared by the slightest noise, the slightest snap of a twig. If you go into the woods with your friends in a group, it’s incredibly exciting and thrilling because you somehow feel stronger.”

Maybe self sacrificing my body for my individualism (art, goals, money, clothes, etc) is my ego disguising itself as a martyr, trying to convince me there is a higher purpose for my selfish desires. Maybe. Or maybe it’s just my ego looking for love. At the end of the day, you can boil every fear into some desire, and more often than not, that desire is for love. Choosing how to go about it is still key. Releasing myself from a guilt cycle is, in itself, facing a fear. Perhaps even in the process getting closer to true love? Maybe. Much more to say about this and the importance of self care in general, but I’ll give it time to marinate. It’s Spring up here, give yourself a break. If you can afford it, take time to just be. Catch me in the park. Say hello.

*did you just breathe in?


Hey y’all,
1. Just a quick THANK YOU for all the support with the video I released, I’m humbled by your time. Time is the greatest gift you can give.

I’m going to Europe and Asia for 6 weeks in December and so these are the last shows I will play before my trip. Come say hello and sing Redemption Song with me. Yes?

11.05  Sat  — Philly   @ KFN    ~Yikes the Zero, Josh Hey, Lushlife DJ set.
{{This show will be a party with your friends, no curfew just vibes}}
11.18  FRI — Philly    @ Bourbon & Branch  ~Julia Weldon, Lenore Lenoire
{{This show will aim to empower you and make you feel your own heart while you breathe in deep}}

The Performer: Part 8
On Fear

“Avoidance is not transcendence ” -unknown, shout out to Josh Hey for sharing

‘Avoidance is not transcendence’ is only four words, but boy do they sizzle brightly in the sun. I have been thinking about fear a lot, and avoiding fears. What are your biggest fears? In academic surveys people always answer 1. death and 2. public speaking, which almost makes sense but wait a minute, how did these two concepts become neighbors??

What about sex, is sex scary? Sex makes life, which should hold a special importance in our education, but it does not. My experience with sex education in school was god awful; it was mostly fear based and awkward, full of photos of disease and rabid warnings. Where’s the love element in these classrooms? And this is just school education. My sex education came way before school, as I’m sure it did for you too.  But hey if we are taught to fear sex and its consequences, death as the ~ultimate mystery~ is likely terrifying. Likely, because unfortunately there is no death education.

Maybe fear is about losing control. Death is coming, and some of us have seen it around us. We cannot control that, all we can try and control is our thoughts surrounding it. Death is often viewed as either the last dance of the night or the ever shifting lava lamp bubble, morphing into different shapes and changing colors in a mesmerizing dark sea. Our beliefs about death are often cultural, but overall they are our thoughts, our choices. Our thoughts are our choices. Are we allowing ourselves to be ok with death or will we let its lurking shadow define our every move? After all, every day we are guided either by fear or fearlessness.

Death feels mysterious, and we humans fear what we don’t understand, but public speaking y’all…? That’s just a person with a mic and a benign power point presentation. Seems basic, but it actually taps into a fascinatingly huge fear we all share. Walk with me: so public speaking means being both alive and amplified, in front of people. I do this, I play music in front of people. Am I special? Is it arrogance? Growing up I almost never asked questions in class, I was quiet, I listened. I was also afraid. My self-image was based almost entirely on my intelligence (and a bit on sports — which is the real reveal of this essay..), because that is what people praised about me, that’s who I thought I was. Back then I felt that being clever is what made me, me. The idea of asking a dumb question in front of my classmates felt like a hammer coming down and shattering my fragile self-concept. If people stopped perceiving me as smart, perhaps I’m not, and therefore what’s left?

Fear of being perceived as ignorant drove me to avoid asking questions in class. This is wild and insane but so common for many of our fears — when soaked in fear, public speaking means potentially shattering ourselves in front of people. Yikes. Singing in front of people means potentially convincing strangers that I am bad at singing. Bananas !  But hey wait a sec, this seems like the type of fear that involves giving control to others over your own heart. When is that ever good?

Something is still missing here. In the West we are inundated with stories of war and homicide by our media, yet we don’t openly address our own fear of death in a safe way. In fact this fear of facing our own mortality is arguably used to manipulate our choices: what we will eat, smoke, buy, choose as a career, and who we vote for or even marry.   Till death does us part. I suspect that death, in a way, is the ultimate shattering of our self-concept. If I’m gone, there is no more me, I am now a different thing. No more me in front of people. Then what is me, what’s left?

I want my idea of me / my soul / my spirit to be so strong yet so light, that when inevitable change comes my way — when I no longer sing in front of people, when I am no longer a daughter to someone, a musician to someone else —  I want to just be ok, to accept. It’s my choice after all. In Buddhism it is taught that “if we can see through the delusion of the individual self, we experience that which is not subject to birth and death. The idea is that ‘you’ are not an autonomous entity.”  You are not singular. It is all one system, one I, one breath, one big sigh, connected.

It is also suggested that instead of labeling yourself as romantic / hard working / a great dancer / a responsible partner / a shy person / a drinker — that instead you try to view your raw potential at each present moment. Right now I am trying to grow. Right now I will give a dollar to this person that literally has no home. Right now I will call my mom because even though she drives me crazy she has been there for me and I want to remind her I am grateful. Right now I am dancing like no one is watching because it feels good to let go. And wow just look at how that afternoon light shines on those trees.

“Suffering is caused by a habit of constructing an absolute self.”  The constructs we built for ourselves mimic those we build for other people, which, i suspect, creates a hierarchy in our minds. Look, I know this essay was a lot. This is a never ending topic, but if you walk away with anything after reading this far (you champion), walk away with this: there is no hierarchy. No human person is better than you nor are you better than anyone else. Ok gotta go, I’m about to smash that self concept and diiiiiive~~
(I’ll work on it)

Hey I want to write about death next but I will likely write about sex. Got thoughts.
Stay connected and be good to you.

If you want to respond with your own personal experience please hit ‘reply’ all fearless. Love.